Saturday, August 24, 2013

It Never Ended

Those of us who were there tonight should have all been handed a hundred bucks by the Warden on our way out.  Or at least a commemorative t-shirt reading:

That was just a freaking nightmare.

It all started out innocently enough.  We closed the yards at 4:00 like we always do.
At 4:30 the Control center called count.
And we waited.
And waited....
And waited....
And waited....

At 5:10 I looked at my watch and said "Aw, snap...."
At 5:30 they called and said "Send everybody back to their houses except for Laundry and Visiting.  Prepare for a name and number count."
So we sent them back and they called count.
My crew did a perimeter check.
And we waited....
And waited....
And waited....
I went up to central to find out what was going on right about the time Sgt Miz P called for a Lieutenant down in the Hive.
I walked in and Lt. Sienna handed me the phone and said "I'm going to the Hive.  You're in charge."
I looked at his back as he scuttled out the door and said "Aw, snap."
He left me alone in Central.

At 6:30 they called and said "Send everybody back to their houses and prepare for another name and number count."
So I tried to run my yard and answer all of the phone calls from people calling saying "What in the snap is going on?"  My reply to that was "If you find out, let me know, pal."  I paced back and forth with my radio mic in one hand and the cordless phone in the other.

At 8:22 our count finally cleared.  They said "Okay, let's feed them dinner now."

Really.... Okay.  I guess we have to, don't we?

We finally finished feeding them chow at 9:35.  A chore that is usually complete by 5:45 or 6:00 at the latest.

I finally got to eat my dinner at about 10:15.

When I finally found out what the problem was, it turned out that somebody messed up the numbers in the Control Center so bad that they could not figure out how many inmates we were really supposed to have.  Someone not on our shift, but the previous one.  

I won't name any names.  But then I never do.

By policy, we should all still be there trying to figure out the problem.  Our count has never officially cleared.

But the Warden took a moment away from tearing out his hair and said "Clear it.  We have to feed them dinner."  So we did.

Technically, we know how many inmates we are supposed to have.  Those numbers all match up.  But according to the so-called "Official" numbers in the Control Center, we are missing one.

I have a feeling that come Monday some heads somewhere are going to roll.

Glad I wasn't up there.  I need my head to wear the Big Stupid Hat.

Me... I'm taking my sleepy pills and going to bed.
Even if I didn't get a hundred bucks or a t-shirt.
I'm just happy to be home.

Sweet dreams,


  1. You say "scuttled" and I'm picturing Zoidberg from Futurama and his sideways crab walk. Please tell me that's exactly what he did.

  2. Bryan- he actually did scuttle. held his claws up and went "Woo woo woo woo..." all the way out the door.
    And now I get the giggles whenever I see him, thanks to you.