Sunday, February 26, 2012

Just One Day

What a screwed up week. I had last Saturday off then worked Sunday Monday Tuesday. Off Wednesday and Thursday. Worked Friday and today. Off for one day tomorrow and then I have to get up early all week for training.

What a beeotch.

And after my week of training I'll be off one day and have to go to work again. For three days.

What the freaking snap.

Most days I have absolutely no idea what day it actually is.

Some years during training I actually manage to gain some extra time. Some years I lose some.

After this week I have absolutely no freaking idea. I am totally messed up and lost.

Anyway, I don't know if I will post or not about my training week. You would probably get bored just reading "Well, that was really boring and they made us do a stupid skit." every day. I might just take the week off. But then I always say that then end up writing something. Even if it's just "Well, that was really boring and they made us do a stupid skit."

We'll see I guess. So here's the truncated weekend lineup:
Sunday: National Pistachio Day, National Personal Chef's Day, Academy Awards Night and For Pete's Sake Day.

Monday: International Polar Bear Day, Orthodox Green Monday (huh?) and National Strawberry Day.

For Pete's sake!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Getting The Old Run-Around

What I had hoped was going to be my first actual day in 25 house since getting my new bid turned into a day in the Hive instead.

I frowned and complained and pouted. None of that worked, so I went down there.

It was a calm night for us. Day shift was busy. But I figure if they didn't want to be busy, they wouldn't be in the Hive on day shift. Sorry, guys. No sympathy from me there.

They had locked up one of the wobbleheads earlier in the day and about 5:00pm or so he asked one of my officers where his property was. We looked at his file and.... sure enough, no property. He said he head an inhaler and he needed it.

We called 9 house and they said they would send it up.

Around 8:00pm we realized that we still hadn't got it, so we called again. They said they would send it up.

By 9:00pm I was getting a little ticked and I called Lt Sienna (actually trying to get Sgt Archer, who was on B-yard) and said "Hey, they locked this guy up at 10:00am. We still haven't gotten his property yet. Can you do something about that?"

He said "We will get right on that."

About 20 minutes later his property shows up. And when we search it, there's no inhaler.

Our nurse was down for med pass and I asked her to check on the computer and see if he had an inhaler. She said "Oh, no. He's from 9 house. You need to talk to one of their nurses. I can't get into any of that stuff."

Really. Okay.

I call the 9 house nurse and explain the situation. Just as soon as I say the word "inhaler" she cuts me off and says "Oh, no. All we have down here is the mental medicine." Saying it very slowly like I'm a freaking idiot. "You need to talk to medical or somebody else about that."

I just hung up before I decided to run down there and slap her.

I called medical and talked to another nurse. She said "Oh, no. We can't give him one. He has to turn in his old one before we can give him a new one. There's a nurse down there. Get her to help you."

What... the... freaking... ever.

I could see where this was going, all right.

Told my officers "He's beat. If he needs it he can call a medical emergency and we can take him to medical and let them deal with it. I'm done."

I know that there are a couple of good nurses in medical. But apparently none of them were working tonight.

If I ever fall out at work, somebody please call an ambulance or at least drag me out the front gate so those idiots don't get their hands on me.

And I'm not referring to the inmates, either.

Saturday is shaping up to be Pistol Patent Day (Samuel Colt), International Sword Swallowers Day (no kidding?) and National Clam Chowder Day.

Sword Swallowers Day.... Really. Wow.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

A Gift Of Prophecy

I knew as soon as I got this new bid that I was going to spend alot of time in places other than my assigned houses.

It seems like the 10 and 25 house Sergeants always got pulled when someone called out. If there's a Sergeant in 30 house, I'll get pulled from 10 if they need somebody. And they used to pull Sgt Kenny all the time from 25 and let A-yard handle anything that came up.

Luckily for me, the regular 30 house Sergeant is off Sundays and Mondays so I got to stay in 10 house for my first few days on post. I got to catch up on my coffee drinking and relaxing. And all that walking around and around and around I needed to get done.

Tonight was supposed to be my utility night and they had me schedule for 25 house. The first time I saw that I thought "I'll get moved or pulled. There's no way." I thought that Sunday night and I thought that Monday night.

Sure enough, when I came in Lt Baby Boy said "Control Center, Rev!"

Didn't need a crystal ball for that one.

At least I had a good crew. Miz Twang and Stubby and Vinnie. I don't know why they needed a Sergeant up there at all, except to break up the fights. Those three are so good and so bad together, you'd think they were related. They are like brothers and sisters.

I spent most of my night going "Don't make me come over there!" and "Do I need to put you two in a corner?" I thought about saying "Don't make me stop this bubble!" but that would have just got me laughed at. Most of the evening my mind lingered on the idea of mandatory ball gags. Or at least half a roll of duct tape.

They spend so much time arguing and picking at each other it was about to drive me to distraction. And they do it just for fun. Entertainment. If there's nothing serious going on they will try their best to see if they can get someone upset.

I have a feeling if I was the Control Center Sergeant five days a week I would come to work wearing ear plugs. Someone could just tap me on the shoulder if anything really needed my attention. That would probably be the best solution.

Since the next two days are my new days off, I don't know if I will have anything of substance to post, but I will get on and sent out the "Days" each night.

If I do anything fun or interesting, I'll let you know.

PS- I disable the word verification thingy. Nobody seemed to like the new one and it was a pain in the butt anyway. Hopefully blogger goes back to the old one soon and we can have fun with it again.

Wednesday is going to be Be Humble Day, National Margarita Day, Woolworth's Day, Inconvenience Yourself Day and World Thinking Day (what were they thinking?) .

Oh Lawd, it's so hard to be humble...... (grin)

Monday, February 20, 2012

Same Old Faces

So 10 house is a drug and alcohol treatment house. Some of the inmates there are down for a first time drug or alcohol related offense and if they complete the program they get out of prison without having to serve their entire sentence.

Some of them are brand new to the system and I have never seen them before.

But there are some that have been around forever. Getting close to their "12-12" date for release but still have to complete the program as a condition of their release. I guess it means the difference between getting out of prison free and clear of doing months or years on probation.

Since I have been going down there I have seen many familiar faces. I get quite a bit of "Hey! I remember when you were just a blue shirt down in the Hive back in '09 when I first got here!"

Yeah. I remember you too, bub. Seems like I remember you were kind of a d*ck when you were behind a big steel door. Now you wanna be pals, huh?

I saw a new name last week and I remembered him. Member of one of the white supremacist prison gangs. A real piece of work. Always in the Hive under investigation. They rarely caught him with or doing anything personally, but they knew he had his hand in alot of the things going on like drugs and cell phones and inter-racial fights. Always something shady around him.

When I recognized the name I told whatever officer was in that wing to keep an eye on him and to pass the word along. He was potential trouble.

Today on the way to chow he was standing there with a couple of his cronies and said "Hey Sergeant Rev! How long were you down in the Hive?"

"Six years straight." His little buddy looked impressed.

Troublemaker said "I remember when he was a blue shirt down there. One of the only ones who would do something for you if you asked him nice. You had to ask nice, but he would help you out when you needed something if he could." He looked up at me and said "I remember when it was hot as hell and you went outside and opened my window for me. Nobody else would do that. I really appreciated it."

I waved it off like it was nothing.

A few minutes later I overheard him saying "He threw a guy through a window once! Don't mess with him, either! He can be mean as hell!" The kid's eyes were as big as saucers.

So I guess even that old story is still getting around. At least I have a solid reputation to build on.

Hopefully I won't have to throw anybody else through a window to prove myself. I'm getting kind of old for those sort of games anymore. And I was sore for a couple of days after that one.

But I never let on.

Tuesday is going to be Card Reading Day, International Mother Language Day, Pancake Day and Mardi Gras.

Beads! I got beads! (grin)

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Wild Postcards From The Edge (Part 4)

My first night on the new post. Well, the new bid, anyway. Not like it's places I've never been before.

And 10 house was just 10 house. I spent most of my night wandering around and drinking coffee.

So here's some more postcards!

I saw this one on a post on Tumblr the other day and thought it was pretty funny. And then to have it show up in my mailbox a few days later was kind of bizarre.

This one was postmarked from Sacramento, California. Seemingly wishing me good luck, health, love and longevity. Man, I sure hope so! And right back at ya! (wink)

You know, I may have try a little Confucius on the inmates now and then. Do you think they'll get it?

Me, either.

And this one was postmarked from Denver, Colorado! My sister has strange friends in many places. But I do love the poem. And I've had lots of inmates who saw me after I got promoted and said "Aw, hell!"

Gotta love it.

And I still have three more cards to scan in. Stay tuned!

Monday is going to be Hoodie Hoo Day, Presidents Day, World Social Justice day and National Cherry Pie Day.

Hoodie Hoo!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

That Family Feeling

I know I've done my share of complaining about the people who work here in Raccoon City. Some of them, us, me are certifiable lunatics and a good number of the remainder are just freaking idiots.

Myself included, of course.

And we fight all of the time between each other. We fight between shifts and we fight between ranks and we fight from A-side to B-side and from house to house.

In some very strange and twisted way that I'm sure Uncle Sigmund would have loved to analyze we are like a very large, convoluted and sometimes homicidal family.

There are tons of the bratty spoiled cousins that always want to hog up all the food and break your favorite toys. Hordes of overly friendly matron aunts that always want to pinch your cheeks and say creepy things like "You look so cute I could just eat you up!"

And we have a battalion of elderly uncles that always want you to stop and listen to the same old story over and over even though you've heard it a bazillion times, about how they lost both legs in Korea (while standing there on two perfectly good legs) and how things were either much better or worse (or sometimes both) back in the old days.

We have scads and scatterings of grandmothers and grandfathers who bring in food for everybody and don't really do all that much but you get fed well when they are around.

And we have a very few cool uncles who are older and seem a bit dangerous when you look at them but if you listen long enough they will actually teach you stuff that might come in handy.

And if you are really in need, there's always someone around willing to lend a hand or a sawbuck or at least a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on. Or come and help fix your roof when it blows off.

In short, we are a family. As much as it pains me to admit it sometimes. We don't always show it, but sometimes it comes out anyways.

The other night was a good example. Young Porcupine, who took my old job in the Comm room and yard, had won tickets to a concert by listening to the radio and being the correct caller. George Strait or someone like that. He was all excited. Never been to a concert before in his life and his young bride had never been either.

What are these kids doing nowadays? I think I went to my first concert when I was around fourteen or fifteen. Ted Nugent, I think it was. With Blue Oyster Cult, Heart and Derek and the Dominoes.

Anyway, he had asked for the day off and Lt Sienna said he was too short and couldn't let him off. Porcupine was bummed. He asked Sgt Archer if he would get into trouble if he called in sick that night. Sgt Archer said "Well, yeah. Since you posted on Facebook that you won those tickets, dummy! They'll know you aint sick!"

Uncle Scary heard the story and went to talk to Captain CJ. She got on the phone and arranged for someone to swap a day with him so he could take himself and his wife to their first concert.

That was real nice of her and she didn't have to do it. But she did just because she cares about the people under her and wants them to be happy. And just because she's awesome like that.

Just don't piss her off. Good Lawsy no. She can ruin your entire day with a look.

But anyway, that's the kind of place we have here. Sometimes you can't stand to be around most of them, but when it comes down to the wire we stick up for each other and sometimes even show that somewhere deep down inside that brusque unfeeling semi-psychotic exterior, we are human beings after all.

And that aint bad.

I'll be back at work again on Sunday. With postcards, unless something extraordinary happens.

Saturday is going to be National Battery Day, Cow Milked While Flying In An Airplane Day (really?), Pluto Is A Planet Day and Drink Wine Day.

Sunday will be National Chocolate Mint Day, Iwo Jima Day and the beginning of Shrovetide.

Please choose a designated driver!

Friday, February 17, 2012

Mostly Frozen

Curse this dang recurring flu! I thought I was all over it and it just keeps coming back.

I spend half the night last night under a big warm down comforter shivering. I was so cold that I couldn't relax enough to get to sleep.

And then when I finally did drop off I slept until almost 11:00! Good grief!

Thought I was feeling better until I got to work. Spent fifteen minutes outside on one of the warmest days we've had this winter (about 50 degrees) and it felt like it was forty below outside. I walked around until my body heated up but it's just been about twenty minutes ago that I finally managed to get my feet warm again.

One more night of my old bid left. Then I start my new spot as the 10-25 relief Sergeant.

I might not have many interesting things to write about in those places, but it will hopefully let me fly under the radar until my promotional probation is over.

After that I can go back to being the loudmouth opinionated jerk that I was before.

I had some more things to say, but I took some night time cold meds and I'm getting really drowsy. I'll save them for later.

And I have more postcards, too! Stay tuned!

Friday is going to be Champion Crab Races Day (not going there...), National PTA Founders Day, World Human Spirit Day and National Indian Pudding Day.

Okay, no matter how you look at it, Indian Pudding does not sound very tasty.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

A Mysterious Mystery

Puddle took a day off for training or something so I pulled a shift in the Control Center.

I figured I would be okay because 1. it wasn't a transfer day and 2. Vinnie and Stubby were there to actually run things and keep me out of trouble. Figured it would be an okay night.

So the first thing I did when I arrived was do the inventory and make a pot of coffee so it would be ready when my crew got there. My timing was pretty good. As soon as they showed up and set their stuff down I had a cup of fresh coffee in front of each of us to keep us all fresh and alert through the hectic shift change.

As usual, I wandered from back to front opening doors and gates. Stubby was on the desk and Vinnie and I traded off, sharing the three sets of door panels between the two of us.

I'd set my cup down on a paper towel by the coffee pot and when I went back to get a drink it wasn't there. Snap! Where did I put it? I wandered around for a few minutes, checking on top of all the ledges and counter tops. I'd been everywhere. It could be anywhere!

A few minutes later I wandered to the back panel and there it was. Right where I had left it, on the paper towel by the pot. What the.... Man, I must be getting old.

Poured us another round of coffee and made another pot. Now where did I set my cup this time? Okay, this is getting old already... And here I go wandering around the fish bowl looking for my cup again...

It only took a few moments of that and Vinnie couldn't hold a straight face anymore. he'd been hiding my cup as soon as I wandered off and putting it back when I went looking for it.

Okay. You got me. Ya rotten fricken fracken..... mess with a guys coffee like that.... grumble grumble...

Not too long after that I went down to the bathroom and when I came back out I grabbed my cup and took a sip and set it back down again. Vinnie just looked at me and started laughing.

Oh great. Now what? He said "Did you even notice?"

While I was in the bathroom he'd poured out my coffee and replaced it with tap water and stuck it in the microwave so it would be hot. I popped the lid off my cup and sure enough..... just hot water. **sigh** I guess there was enough coffee residue on the inside of my cup that I didn't even notice.

If I would have noticed and said "Man, this coffee is weak!" he probably would have peed his pants.

And that was how my night went. Aside from taping all of Stubby's stuff down to the desk while he was gone and a visit from Peggy Sue with her big comfy squeezy hugs we had a fairly calm night and I was glad.

Peggy Sue, I sure hope you get to feeling better soon, dear. I miss that sparkle in your eyes. Even if it usually means trouble for somebody. At least it aint me this time. (grin)

Maybe I should have named Vinnie "Loki" instead. After tonight it would have been a more fitting monicker.

Thursday is going to be Do A Grouch A Favor Day (as in Be Nice To Your Sergeant Day), Innovation Day, Kyoto Protocol Day and National Almond Day.

Be nice and invent something green with almonds in it!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Just A Quick Observation

Just a quick observation and then I'm off to bed.

Had to hang out afterwards and go over to the Watcher and Miz Twangs new place to pick up a treadmill they were kind enough to loan us.

It was a very nice place. Roomy and comfortable and even their spastic little dog fit right in. (grin) It felt kind of odd not walking around in a house that isn't completely cluttered with odds and ends like our place is.

Hopefully the new treadmill will help me get up off of my overly large butt and start working out again. I have to do something before I get so big they promote me to Captain.

Anyway, there was some action over on B-side where the Watcher was the yard Sergeant. One of the new people had found something that might have been drugs but he made some pretty critical errors that (hopefully) a more seasoned officer wouldn't have made.

As we got into the truck Watcher shook his head and said "These new people. I just don't know about some of them."

I didn't say anything but I just couldn't help but wonder.....

How long ago was it that someone else was wondering exactly the same thing about us?

So Wednesday is going to be National Gum Drop Day, Remember The Maine Day, Susan B. Anthony Day and Clifford The Big Red Dog Day.

Whatever you do, don't step in that!

Monday, February 13, 2012

It's The Freaking Apocalypse!

Oh my freaking Gawd it snowed an entire inch today and people lost their freaking minds.

Stores were jammed. People were all driving like idiots trying to get to the store to stock up on batteries and Pop Tarts.

Why is it every time the weather gets bad they buy up all of the Pop Tarts?

I just don't understand it.

And being at work was no better. Like this place hasn't been here for decades and they have never seen snow before. What the snap?

We have a group of inmates that they always keep on a list that are the "designate snow removal crew". Also known as the "Captains crew". Don't ask me why. I don't know. The Captain never sees them. They should be called the "Yard Sergeants Crew" because he's the guy who always ends up supervising them anyway.

I don't know about A-side, but on B-side they used to keep most of the snow removal guys in 30 house. But some genius decided they could make more money if they had more laundry workers in 30 house so they scattered the snow crew all over the place and didn't tell anybody else.

So we got the adventure of trying to find out where they had all gone to.

Plus, we have little sheds scattered all over the camp with snow shovels and wheelbarrows full of salt and things like that. And we used to have several different sets of keys for those sheds.

Now there's apparently only one set in the Comm room and it's in the restricted key box. Which means you have to get the Captains approval to get them out and then run that one set of keys all over the camp opening up the sheds.

And then afterwards you have to run all over the camp again to lock them up again.

Who is making these decisions?

There was a Dilbert strip once where the boss went on vacation. He said "I bought a talking sock monkey doll. Once a day pull the string and do whatever the sock monkey tells you to do."

I have a sneaking suspicion that if I looked around long enough in the Admin building I would see a talking sock monkey sitting behind one of those desks.

I'm kind of afraid to look.

Tuesday is going to be Ferris Wheel Day and National Heart to Heart Day, my 25th Anniversary (can you believe someone has put up with me for 25 years?), St. Valentines Day and National Cream Filled Chocolates Day.

Someone get that poor woman a Valium!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Wild Postcards From The Edge (Part 3)

Well, this one came next. It says "Your sister said she would abuse me if I didn't write to you." Kind of hard to make out the signature. Something that starts with a "J", it looks like. So Critter, if you feel the need to abuse somebody, don't start with the "J's". He performed admirably.

I stared at this one for a few minutes when I got it and said "I have no idea what this says, but that looks oddly familiar."

Turns out I was right. It's written in Klingonii. It says:
"Today is a good day to die!"
"We are Klingons!"

Trekkies will never die, brave warrior.

And this one is the last one I got. From the word at the top, "Sawubona" I figured out that it was written in Zulu. "Sawubona" means "I see you."

It must be a dialect that my translator didn't have. All I could decipher was that he was a builder and he knows my sister. After that things got a little fuzzy. I got part of a translation that said something about "With the heart always who appear from the plans", which doesn't sound right at all.

I'll keep looking.

And thanks to NoisyFrogPond I am now hot on the trail of this one from the other day:
She says that the script is Armenian. So maybe I can track down an Armenian speaker who could translate it for me. Whoo Hoo!

If I could just find an Armenian Zulu I could kill two birds with one stone!

And that's all of the postcards I have for now. Will there be more? I guess we'll just wait and see.

Here's the weekend lineup:
Saturday: White Tee-Shirt Day, Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk Day and Peppermint Patty Day.
Sunday: National Plum Pudding Day, Be Electrified day and Be Satisfied Being Single Day.
Monday: Get A Different Name Day, Dream Your Sweet Day, Darwin Day and National Tortellini Day.

Please use a designated driver!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Not As Comfy As I Had Hoped

I have three more postcards to put up, but.... I got crazy and I forgot to scan them in this morning, so it will have to wait. Sorry.

About fifteen years ago a friend of mine gave me a pair of shoes. His boy was in high school playing basketball and had bought these shoes for the games and, like most teenagers, had outgrown them by the time the season was over.

They were Converse All Star Chuck Taylor basketball shoes with the leather uppers. I think he said they paid close to $200.00 for those shoes. And since he only actually wore them for the games, they'd only been worn maybe a dozen times before his boy outgrew them. He said if they fit me, I could have them.

Well, fit me they did. And let me tell you, those were the most comfortable shoes I have ever worn in my life. Good fit. Soft and comfy soles. Great arch support. I wore those shoes for about seven more years before they finally fell apart and I had to throw them away.

And by that time, of course, they were no longer making that particular style anymore. That was devastating. I had to go back to other shoes that just weren't as comfortable.

A couple of weeks ago I got my comp time buyout and decided I needed a new pair of boots. A new Sportsman's Guide catalog had come in the mail and while I was looking through it, I saw Converse Duty Boots. Hey! And they are on sale!

I ordered a pair in my size and daydreamed about slipping my feet into that heavenly comfort again.

No, I don't have a shoe fetish or anything like that. Those shoes were just really comfy.

Anyway. Today my new boots came in the mail. Pulled them out and slipped them on. Brand new, of course. Kind of stiff. I wore them around the house for a couple of hours.

Light. Fairly comfy. Not as good as those basketball shoes were, though. Kind of a let down.

And fool that I am I thought "I'm in the Control Center tonight. I won't have to do much walking. I'll wear them to work!" What a twit.

You don't have far to walk, but you walk your butt off in the Control Center. Just lots of short trips back and forth between the doors and the panels.

In brand spanking new boots.

By the time I got home tonight my feet hurt like I'd been running all over camp all night long. And taking them off again was the best thing I had done to my feet all night. It felt so good to take them off I almost needed a cigarette afterwards.

Tomorrow I'll wear my old boots and just wear the new ones around the house for a few hours here and there until I get them broken in. I'm sure they'll be fine after that.

But Converse, you kind of let me down. You should quit trying to be stylish and cheap and go back to making things that feel good.

So Friday is going to be Umbrella Day (Hmm... the rain thingy or the company?), Plimsoll Day (?), World Marriage Day and Cream Cheese Brownie Day.

What the snap is a plimsoll?

Wild Postcards From The Edge (Part 2)

So, except for the one from my Aunt from California, all of these have been posted from Portland, Oregon. This one gave me a bit of trivia that I didn't know before.

This one is signed "Tony". I know a Tony, but I think he lives in Hawaii now. And the one I knew didn't have this strange thing about fish.....

If anybody can give me any kind of clue on what this one says, I'd appreciate it. Or even what language that is. Some sort of Arabic, maybe? I don't recognize the letters at all.

And another bit of trivia and a very important safety tip. Don't fiddle with the wolverines.

Wolverines are really bad a*s mother.....

"Shut your mouth!"

Hey, I'm just talking about wolverines! (grin)

Song title, anyone?

So..... Thursday is going to be Toothache Day (oh, lawsy, I hope not!), Extraterrestrial Visitor Day, National Stop Bullying Day, Read In The Bathtub Day and National Bagels and Lox Day.

Have it with a shmear, even!

Oh snap! I almost forgot. I got my bid. I will be the relief Sergeant for 10 and 25 house. Two days here, two days there, one day utility with Wednesdays and Thursdays off. Not great days, but it's a start.

And I only get to work my new bid for a week before I have to go to training for a week. Nice...

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Wild Postcards From The Edge (Part 1)

So I get this postcard in the mail the other day. I look at it and read it and think "What the snap?" There's no return address. No name. My name and addy is typed on there with a typewriter. Portland, OR postmark.

I puzzle over it for awhile. Finally I thought to myself "That looks like Doc's handwriting. And this sort of thing is right down his alley. I'll bet that's who it is."

So I send an email to my old buddy Doc back home in Portland. I'd looked up the quote online and it was from Jack Handey, who used to be a regular on "Saturday Night Live". I basically said "Okay, pal. You got me."

He had no idea what I was talking about.

The next day I get two more postcards in the mail. This one:
And this one:
Okay, that first one mentioned my sister. So I sent her an email and asked "Did you set me up?"

"Oh, yeah. I did."

"I got the first one from Doc, I think."

"I didn't send him one."

Oops. Guess I'm not a handwriting expert, after all.

"So how many postcards can I expect and from where?"

"I dunno. People got crazy and it got out of hand. I have no idea."

Oh..... my.

The following day I get just the one:
And before you even ask, I have no idea who Josh's Mom is. I don't think Jack Handey sent me the first one and I don't believe George W. Bush sent me that pirate one, either. But that might have been Josh's Mom. I don't know.

They might be clever forgeries.

So anyway, there's the first four. I have seven more to scan in and my sister says "Expect more."

I have an interesting family.

So Wednesday is going to be Kite Flying Day, Boy Scout Day, Laugh and Get Rich Day, Opera Day and Molasses Bar Day.

Mmmm... sticky.....

I Got To Snarl At Somebody

Instead of being in 4 house like I thought, I got put out on A-yard this evening. It wasn't too bad. I had planned on spending most of the night talking zombies with TJ. Instead I spent most of the night talking about the price of silver with the Fireman and remodeling horror stories with KP.

It worked. Got to spend a little quality zombie time during the night while "making my rounds" which is Secret Sergeant Code for "I don't have anything to do so I'm going to wander around for awhile".

At one point the Troll from A-dining called me and had some violations for me to read. He's a pretty fair guy, but a stickler for the rules, especially around the food. A couple of his guys got caught without their hair nets and beard guards around the food. Apparently they had been warned before so he wrote violations this time.

They got their feelings hurt but I didn't really care. "I don't want to hear the long sad tale of your life, dude. He wrote it. I'm reading it. Here's your copy. Goodbye. Follow the rules and we won't have to do this again."

Then he asked me to stay and be a witness while he chewed a few of them out.

I was game.

He brought four guys in the office. They had snuck out early and left a mess in their area and someone else had to clean it up. But since it was the first time, he just chewed them out for about five minutes while I sat there and watched.

Finally he said "I could just cuff you up right here and send you to the Hive!" He pointed at me and said "Sarge is here and he'll back me up!"

Four heads swiveled in my direction and I just bared my teeth and snarled. They quickly looked away and stood wide-eyed but silent as he finished chewing their butts. Then they all vowed never to do it again and scurried away as fast as they could when he was done.

Some of this Sergeant stuff is easy. The hard part was not busting out laughing at the looks on their faces.

I'm taking the day off tomorrow to take care of some technical matters around the homestead. But I think I'll post maybe the first of at least a couple of days worth of stuff that I'm calling "Wild Postcards From The Edge".

Stay tuned! Same bat time! Same bat channel!

Tuesday is going to be Charles Dickens Day, Ballet Day, Wave ALL Your Fingers At Your Neighbor Day (not just the one, remember!) and National Fettuccine Alfredo Day.

And P.S. Tomorrow is Sgt Uncle T's birthday. Wish him a happy one!

Friday, February 3, 2012

A Whole Lotta Nothin' Goin' On

For a prison, nothing happening is a good thing. We like it when nothing happens. Alot.

For a blogger, it's not so good.

I spent most of my night prowling up and down the halls of 10 house. I was in the wings so much that I was starting to make my staff nervous so I had to dial it back a little bit. Just go visit once an hour or something.

Spent the rest of the evening outside smoking or in my office drinking coffee and reading.

I did find out that Miz Country is at home and doing better. Apparently she came down with some sort of infection that sent her blood pressure up and made her so sick.

I'm glad to hear she's on the mend and hopefully she'll be back at work soon.

I bid on the relief job, which is two days 10 house, two days 25 house and one day utility. So I want Miz Country back at work on my two days there. Need here there in 25 house to make the place run smooth.

If I get that job my days off will change to Weds/Thurs so I may change my blogging days as well. Might just go to seven days a week, who knows?

Gad. Probably not. That would kill me.

Anyway, I'm glad it was a much calmer night. One of my officers was sick but he refused to go home, saying he didn't feel that bad. So I made sure somebody kept an eye on him, just in case. Heck, I probably should have had him keep an eye on me as well. Still running a bit of a fever myself. Felt a little wobbly a couple of times.

But a heck of a lot better than I felt earlier in the week.

I'll take the weekend off and relax a bit. Especially so I don't get any more worried emails. (wink)

So Saturday is going to be Create A Vacuum Day (???), Liberace Day, Quacker (not Quaker) Day, Ice Cream For Breakfast Day and National Stuffed Mushroom Day. Yuck.

Sunday will be Disaster Day (Not for me, I hope), Weatherman's Day, Dump Your Significant Jerk Day and National Chocolate Fondue Day. Yum!

And Monday will be Lame Duck Day, Pay A Compliment Day, Babe Ruth's Birthday and National Frozen Yogurt Day.

Man, I hope I'm not a significant jerk....

That Scared The Crap Out Of Me

I couldn't even find a picture.

We were having a pretty good and uneventful night. Nothing at all going on.

Even though they sent me the Kid, he was seemingly doing his job and things were going okay.

We had just finished counting the house and everyone had wandered off to their respective wings to wait for count to clear. I was sitting in my office doing something on the computer when I thought I heard somebody cry out.

I jumped up and went out into the hallway and said "What was that?"

Sore was in the control room and he pointed down the hall and said "Miz Country isn't feeling good. I think she's in the bathroom. You might need to check on her."

Miz Slim came down the hall from the other way and asked the same question and got the same answer. She ducked her head into the ladies bathroom and nobody was there. She opened the mens with the same result.

Uh-oh. We both started to kind of panic. We both started to run towards the break room when Miz Country came over the radio and said "10-10 the elevator!"

We spun around and after fumbling with the keys, got the elevator door open. Miz Country had gotten sick and passed out in the elevator. Miz Slim and the Kid (who showed up seconds later) got her up off of the elevator floor and took her into my office. She dropped her radio and her keys in the elevator and I stopped to grab them.

Apparently everyone else in the camp heard her on the radio and recognized her voice, because they all came busting in the door before we could even get her set down in a chair in the office. In seconds the place was busting with people.

It seems she had some problems with her blood pressure in the past and this came on all sudden like. She was fine and chipper just minutes before that.

They called an ambulance for her and took her to the hospital. Miz Slim rode with her, giving the EMT's no choice in the matter.

And just like that a peaceful night went completely to hell.

I haven't heard anything, but I do hope she's okay. She's a sweet lady and a heck of an officer.

And if she does anything like that to me again I may just knock her block off.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I Took A Momentous Day Off

Well, it may not have been a momentous day for anybody else, but it turned out to be one for me. And just at the last moment, too.

I did take the day off and fed myself cold medicine and spent most of the day in my chair burning through the better part of a box of Kleenex. Tottering around in my socks and sweats and listening to my beard grow.

It grows loud. I never realized that before. Sheesh!

At any rate, I was just going to post a short something about taking the day off and then go to bed.

But when I opened my dashboard to answer my replies from the last post I realized with a shock that this will be my 1000th blog post.

Holy snap! Whoever thought I had that much to say? And even stranger, that other people would hang out here regularly and read it? Wow.

That is pretty cool.

We'll have to do this more often.

Between the cold and the cold medicine the inside of my brain keeps slipping into this weird Homer Simpson mode where it just goes "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh......" for long stretches of time and I have to keep shaking myself to get it going again.

So I believe I'll just go to bed.

Thursday is going to be Purification Day, Crepe Day, Groundhogs Day, Marmot Day, Hedgehog Day and Sled Dog Day.

Hogs and Dogs and Crepes! Oh my!

It Was A Cheap Trick!!!

It was a cheap trick. But not Cheap Trick. That would have been fun.

Been fighting a nasty head cold for the last four days. Headache, fever, sneezing, runny nose. The whole nine enchiladas. It really kicked in to full gear on Monday right after I got to work. Blew my nose so many times that I think I could have lit a cigarette off the end of my nose it burned so bad.

I told myself if I was feeling that bad the next day that I would call in sick and stay home. After all, 2 house could run fine without me.

Then Uncle T told me he was going to be gone on Tuesday. Some family emergency. And when I checked the chrono on the way out they had me scheduled for B-yard.

Yeah, okay. I'd come in to work the yard. Even if I was sick it was going to be a nice night. Warm and a little breezy, but not too bad. Working the yard would be okay.

So I went ahead and came on in.

But when I got here Lt Baby Boy told me LB had called out and they didn't have anyone else to put in his time slot but me. All of the other Sergeants were in 2:30-10:30 slots or already assigned.

So I got sent down to the Hive again. **sigh**

I spent most of the night huddled in my corner snotting my way through almost an entire roll of state issue toilet paper. And that junk is like 120 grit sandpaper. I don't think there is any actual skin left on the end of my nose now at all.

I should report them to the Dream Police!

If I'm still feeling this bad tomorrow, I'm staying home. And I don't care where they say I'll be, I won't believe it.

Tricky swine....

Wednesday is going to be Serpent Day, Freedom Day, G.I. Joe Day, Spunky Old Broads Day, Working Naked Day (I don't even want to think about it!) and National Baked Alaska Day.

Can I have some Puffs with aloe, please?